Saturday cut

I cut my hair again.
Shorter.
Just a little bit shorter.

masked

In spite of everything
In spite of the face that it has shown
that it was made to believe in

Innocence has an intelligence, a mind.
It has a fault
and it has a shadow.

two-faced in its own glory and labyrinth
it confuses
and is often
in itself
confused at that fact

clean and crisp
is the porcelain mask
that it so gracefully places on ones true skin

gracing
slightly touching
but never quite as close

It fools
and is sometimes fooled
by the games that it subconsciously plays

But it is smarter than often said
Smarter than often suspected.

Innocence has an intelligence, a mind.
It has a fault
and it has a shadow.

Innocence is misunderstood.
It is but an adjective to a moment
and yet
it is treated with longevity
thus caging it in two-dimensionality

a character
and not a person

a mere mask

Innocence is often misunderstood.

It has an intelligence
It has a mind
It has a fault
and it has a shadow


Innocence is not always what it seems to be.

something to prove

I will prove everyone wrong.

I will dance beautifully.
I will learn gymnastics.
I will learn anatomy.
I will be a great artist.
I will gain weight.
I can do anything my heart desires.

I will be great.


I will prove everyone wrong
I will.

Just you wait.

to shred memory into paper trail

I haven't been drawing.


Which is bad.


I haven't done anything creative for what seems like ages.


Which is horrific.


I feel my laziness is killing me.
It's keeping me captive in a cage so ingeniously created out of pathetic excuses.


I need to go out more.


I'm forgetting to do one of my 2011 promises to myself,
which is to be a YES MAN.


I gotta start making experiences.
Life's too short to keep at dream state.


I need to promote myself.
Start making my portfolio and cranking up my resume.


I need to get some real art done; actually make some tangible art pieces.


I need to be more confident.
I need to start constructing myself a backbone.


I still need to gain weight.


I can't wait to dance. Strangely enough, the workshop's coming closer and yet I haven't psyched myself out of it yet.
Maybe this is a sign that I've matured? A sign that I've grown? Maybe. Just maybe.


I need to start going out of my way to do things.
To be extraordinary.
To excel.
I can't just sit around idly, dream and wait for things to come.
I need to get off my ass and JUST DO IT!


I actually miss Tim's company.


I think I'm not very likable.


I abhor the fact that I am in that state of 'floating' once again.
It annoys the shit out of me.


I watched Super Natural with Galo today.


Must put Mt. Pulag in list of places to see :)


I miss my high school friends.


I need to get out more.
Get out of my comfort zone.


I SHOULD go to the South, as Galo and Abi says.


I finally found loop hole in my clashing scheds for April and May.
My teachers in Fotogra and Desncon are awesome that way.


I wonder if he ever texted me...


I will dance beautifully...

One day

One day



There are just days where I feel so alone
and fear that that feeling will linger on and never leave.






I'm sleepy. 'Til the next paper trail.

I am...

I am a balloon.
I'm currently in a floating state.
A state in which mediocrity would be on the list of top adjectives.
A state in which habit annoys,
where routine kills.

I am a balloon.
I am floating
constantly
slowly
to my demise.

on the 13th of February, year 2011

I’ve been lost in space

in drowning and bubbled thoughts

sleeping

floating

yearning

wanting

I’ve been lost in tracks and wires

aimlessly looking aimlessly hearing

wandering

waiting

wanting

the train is coming by slowly

ever so slightly

ever so

...

I bumped into you today

...

It was nice

...

we hugged

...

as acquaintances do

...

It was nice

...

we made small talk

...

as acquaintances do

...

It was short

...

We said farewells
and walked on opposite ends

...

It was awkward

It was fast

It was long

...

It was sad

...

I bumped into you today

and

It was nice

time measured in millimeters

my my
how my hair has grown

as the ocean pushes and pulls

and the waves crash into the shore
and the fires engulf the air
smoke and shadows grab hold

the waves crash into the shore
and the earth quakes and trembles
it echoes cries
and drowns tears

the waves crash into the shore
onto the bodies of the unprepared
into the souls of the damned

the waves crash into the shore
as the ocean pushes and pulls

the ocean calls

the ocean beckons

the ocean takes

the ocean pulls


we all can do nothing
but let the ocean
go its course

the ocean pushes

the ocean pulls

and there is nothing much we can do






-On the devastating chain of events that have struck Japan.
From earthquakes to tsunamis, From fires to death.

thoughts in shards and fragments

I want to dance and I will attempt to dance this summer. Contemporary anyone?


I've been in this period of idle movement. Not entirely sure what that's supposed to entail, let alone mean.


I'm slightly improving on my drawing. Yay me!


I'm not gaining any weight. _insert 5 minutes worth of cussing_ It is annoying me to some degree... if it wasn't obvious yet.


120 lbs. gotta get some meat back on these bones; and it doesn't hurt to get my boobs back, the little that I had to begin with.


*enter dream mode* In the process of learning the craft of dance, I will go up to my teacher (who I've managed to be the best of friends with) and I shall flood her with my desires to seriously dance, if not, then beautifully will have to suffice. She will then put me in a gymnastics class where 5 year old children point and laugh at the rather rigid 'old' lady for failing to do a successful split --- that 'old' lady would be me by the way. But I will then conquer them little b*tches and climb the gymnastics ladder, if there be any such thing. I will learn to split, high kick, that bridge thingy that makes all the blood rush to my head, head stand, hand stand, whatever stand there may be, and other gymnastictastic moves that exist. I will also take baby ballet, and yet again, be ridiculed by the local mini mean girls, possibly aged 5-9, doing their plies and escargots, or whatever ballet terms I can think of. As the wheel of fortune dost turn, I will rise and conquer once again. As I do these I shall devour the other styles: hip hop, breaking, jazz, and _insert other dances that have ran away from my conscious mind and is now hiding in the dark recesses of it_


Sorry. I'm babbling.


I like the word protege. The French make all the right words.


I've always been envious of writers. They hold with them the grace of words. They are able to capture it and cage them in pages. Oh how I envy them. To write and move hearts, to engrave and capture thought. I am truly green with envy.


A friend of mine just said an idea most intriguing: to work part-time as a graphic designer. Hmmm... most intriguing indeed.


I am currently reading le Sandman (Volume 4).


I suddenly have the urge to watch Underworld.


I don't think I'm pretty.


I'm not photogenic. I look sad in photos. Almost tragic really.


Hmmm... cameraaaaa.


I want to take good photos.


I want to have a mac just so I could do that DIY mini light box thing from photojojo.


Chalk cloud. Such chivalry.


I want to travel places.


I have to say I'm quite envious of those who have the 'cliched' best friend. The one you've grown up with. The one who knows you like the back of her/his hand. The one who pushes you to do things s/he knows you're too afraid to do but secretly want to. The one who goes to your house, sleeps over and stuff like that. The one who explores with you. The one who goes to events with you (from gigs, to gallery openings). Someone who will obliterate the word alone in your dictionary. The one you'd call when you'd want to cry, or at least when you need a hug. Someone who you can spend silence with. Someone who can make you laugh. Someone who intelligent but who can 'dumb' herself down. Someone you can create with. Someone who can be your model when you need it for a FOTOGRA hw. Stuff like that.
Hmmm... Why was I such an introverted child? So much that I couldn't make a prototype 'best friend.'


I hope it's not to late for that.


I believe I'll end up forever alone. I'm scared that I will never find someone who can break me, open me up and, see and accept the realities about me. I'm scared I will forever close myself to others. For fear, for low self-esteem, and for whatever reason.




With this I end my ramblings for the day. I have to say this has been quite 'cleansing.' I should do this more often.
No holds bar.
No censorship.

But for the rest of my posts
I remain as cryptic as ever.