?

I don't know who I am anymore

...

I don't think I ever really did

the eye of the storm

it amazes me how a minute can change everything

one minute your life is being wrecked by the tremors and winds

shipwrecked with nowhere to go

drowning in your sorrow

dying unto yourself

and the next thing you know it

you're marooned on an island, barely surviving

you run wild across the sand letting the air carry you as you fall

hoping you can catch just a handful

you dream

you hope

you pray

that all this will never end

that all this isn't just a dream you just snap out of

that you live in peaceful serenity

far from the excruciating pain

the agonizing wales

the deadly silence of the ocean

you dream

you hope

you pray

you pray to God for permanence

but life is an ongoing conveyor belt

it moves

it disappears

and then appears

change is inevitable

and the only way to change your path is to go the opposite direction

once up one must come down

when down the only way to go is up

a vicious cycle we all mandatorily partake in

we then dream

we then hope

we then pray

that though we are now at the eye of the storm

we dream

we hope

we pray

that we live to tell another tale of shipwrecks foregone

winds that shook the ends of the earth

waves that blinded us from the stars

shadows that drowned our sanity

morning glories

under the tantalizing sun

the sand brushing against your skin,

engulfing every strand of the hair on your head

suffocating from the sudden rush of air entering our lungs

escaping our death once again

we dream

we hope

we pray

we live

...

my heart is heavy

my heart is crushed

my hope is lost

my hope is gone

there's a fork in the road

and my mind is freaking shit

i'm so confused i don't really know what to do

i want to cry so much

but

i feel like i'm not supposed to

that if i do

i have failed some invisible rule

a rule set on stone

long before i was born

i want to cry

but i can't

my heart tears open

i need someone

i need some help

but i can't seem to ask for it

i can't speak

i can't listen

i can't think

i can't move

i just

can't

i want to cry

so much

so much

i want to cry

but i'm scared to

i want to cry

i want to cry

i need a hug

but i'm afraid to ask for one

i'm afraid

and i think i'll always be

i am lost

and i think i'll always be

..........

i'm a mess

and i can't seem to write a decent entry without sounding so fucking redundant.

SHIT

FUCK

how's that for breaking the mold?

my soul cries in desperation

i can't seem to go back and ask for help from Him

i'm too ashmed...

i walked out on Him...

what gives me the right to go back and ask for more?

shit me

fuck it

i want to cry so bad

but i don't think i deserve to...