It's about time I fix things

I've never regarded myself as someone who was beautiful. I don't think I have a pretty face and I know I don't have a great body. I'm not sexy at all. The word can only be used in the same sentence as me only if it were to express the non-existent connection between the two. I am not proportioned, lanky as fuck, reduced to skeletal proportions, lackluster, weak, smelly, pimply, cratered and so on and so forth. I can't talk for shit, I'm not interesting and I'm a self-loathing good for nothing. I am also definitely not afraid to talk shit about myself. It comes with the low self-esteem territory.

I'm not exactly happy at where I am now when it comes to personal growth, but I want to work on that. I wanna be someone I want to admire. I wanna be fit, I want to be healthy, I want to be adventurous, I want to travel, I want to be a free spirit, I want to be confident, I want to dance, I want to sing, I want to be proud of my body, I want to be proud of my craft, I want to rid myself of envy and of conscious thinking, I don't second-guess myself anymore and feel as if I'm not worth it. I want to be fearless, I want to be strong, candid, restless and happy. I want to be brave enough to go for the things I want. I just want to be the girl I dream myself to be. I want to be able to look at the mirror and regard myself as beautiful even if the rest of the world doesn't. I know I can be a free spirit if I allow myself to be; if I will it.

I just have to do it. I just have to surge through. I know I'll never measure up to the physical standards of beauty that the media has laid out for me, nor will I ever exactly be the women I look up to. All I can truly do is try to be the best I can be. I can't measure myself to the standards of others because they just don't fit.

As my sister once told me, set yourself against your greatest potential.
And that's what i'll be damn doing from now on.

 I will be worth my own praise one day. I will.