thoughts in shards and fragments

I want to dance and I will attempt to dance this summer. Contemporary anyone?


I've been in this period of idle movement. Not entirely sure what that's supposed to entail, let alone mean.


I'm slightly improving on my drawing. Yay me!


I'm not gaining any weight. _insert 5 minutes worth of cussing_ It is annoying me to some degree... if it wasn't obvious yet.


120 lbs. gotta get some meat back on these bones; and it doesn't hurt to get my boobs back, the little that I had to begin with.


*enter dream mode* In the process of learning the craft of dance, I will go up to my teacher (who I've managed to be the best of friends with) and I shall flood her with my desires to seriously dance, if not, then beautifully will have to suffice. She will then put me in a gymnastics class where 5 year old children point and laugh at the rather rigid 'old' lady for failing to do a successful split --- that 'old' lady would be me by the way. But I will then conquer them little b*tches and climb the gymnastics ladder, if there be any such thing. I will learn to split, high kick, that bridge thingy that makes all the blood rush to my head, head stand, hand stand, whatever stand there may be, and other gymnastictastic moves that exist. I will also take baby ballet, and yet again, be ridiculed by the local mini mean girls, possibly aged 5-9, doing their plies and escargots, or whatever ballet terms I can think of. As the wheel of fortune dost turn, I will rise and conquer once again. As I do these I shall devour the other styles: hip hop, breaking, jazz, and _insert other dances that have ran away from my conscious mind and is now hiding in the dark recesses of it_


Sorry. I'm babbling.


I like the word protege. The French make all the right words.


I've always been envious of writers. They hold with them the grace of words. They are able to capture it and cage them in pages. Oh how I envy them. To write and move hearts, to engrave and capture thought. I am truly green with envy.


A friend of mine just said an idea most intriguing: to work part-time as a graphic designer. Hmmm... most intriguing indeed.


I am currently reading le Sandman (Volume 4).


I suddenly have the urge to watch Underworld.


I don't think I'm pretty.


I'm not photogenic. I look sad in photos. Almost tragic really.


Hmmm... cameraaaaa.


I want to take good photos.


I want to have a mac just so I could do that DIY mini light box thing from photojojo.


Chalk cloud. Such chivalry.


I want to travel places.


I have to say I'm quite envious of those who have the 'cliched' best friend. The one you've grown up with. The one who knows you like the back of her/his hand. The one who pushes you to do things s/he knows you're too afraid to do but secretly want to. The one who goes to your house, sleeps over and stuff like that. The one who explores with you. The one who goes to events with you (from gigs, to gallery openings). Someone who will obliterate the word alone in your dictionary. The one you'd call when you'd want to cry, or at least when you need a hug. Someone who you can spend silence with. Someone who can make you laugh. Someone who intelligent but who can 'dumb' herself down. Someone you can create with. Someone who can be your model when you need it for a FOTOGRA hw. Stuff like that.
Hmmm... Why was I such an introverted child? So much that I couldn't make a prototype 'best friend.'


I hope it's not to late for that.


I believe I'll end up forever alone. I'm scared that I will never find someone who can break me, open me up and, see and accept the realities about me. I'm scared I will forever close myself to others. For fear, for low self-esteem, and for whatever reason.




With this I end my ramblings for the day. I have to say this has been quite 'cleansing.' I should do this more often.
No holds bar.
No censorship.

But for the rest of my posts
I remain as cryptic as ever.