Monday, September 12, 2011

enough's enough

I promise to make a constant effort to stop.
There's no use crying over spilled milk...
Nor pining over it.

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Sunday, September 11, 2011

In a fickle

I need closure
but I'm scared to talk to you
and you won't talk to me

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FYI

I like to call myself an eccentric because it gives my being definition, a sane one.
Calling myself something gives me an excuse, a hope that maybe I'm not so strange after all; that I'm not so detached from everything.
I mean how strange can I be? I mean they have a name for it, after all...

that is if I even am.

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My brain is mush.

I'm like scrambled eggs.
I am scrambled with no concrete yolk...

I'm like scrambled eggs.
I need to focus all my egg whites and yolks into piecing myself back to an egg again; sunny side up anyone?

Comparing myself to eggs just proves that I am scrambled eggs.

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Saturday, September 10, 2011

hmm...

It’s interesting this thing we call life.
As the cliché goes the only thing predictable about it is its unpredictability. Only perspective can foresee the quivering uncertainty of circumstance.

I always believed in balance, a certain invisible law or theory of sorts, whether it concerns life in general or the players in it. I believe in balance, an equal amount of good and evil, of sane and insane. Nothing is perfect. Nothing. But then again you never know the true unadulterated form of things. Perspective, the preconceived saving grace of the bullshit of circumstance, screws it up some how. Oh, the irony of it all.

It is often said that one cannot change the things that happen to them, only the way they react to it. This intrigues me so, this ability to react. In plain sight it’s pretty simple physics: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. But in reality, life is never that simple.

My mother, my sister and I had a talk about life and the wheel it turns on. As we were talking about failed circumstances and, cause and effect scenarios, I can’t help but be intrigued by humanity and the mind that controls us. To tell you honestly the human mind scares me. In truth it is the governing factor of life, or at least ours. First and foremost it tells us that there is even such a thing called life. It creates realities and dictates truths and facts and everything else. It is interesting, our minds. We underestimate it so. Often overlooked we forget to see how powerful it can be; How intimidating and tiring it can be for our fragile bodies.

The human mind; It is the biggest mystery we cannot seem to solve. The only terrain I think we can never travel. When you think about it, when you question your mind it is like questioning God or religion. I’m not trying to put blasphemy in this, don’t get me wrong. Its just that the mind is so elusive to our grasp and so mysterious and somewhat unattainable that it seems to be beyond us yet with us; somewhat what the teachings of religion has taught us about God.

I hate to think that as I’m writing this, my mind is controlling me. It scares me to think of questions such as these because you begin to wonder, who is really in control? Sometimes I think we get so involved in life. We get lost in its crevices and cracks that we forget to step back and question why we’re in the positions that we are at. I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this, heck I never really knew from the start. It’s probably one of those paper trails I do, only in a more unified yet confusing manner.

Though we have to face the reality of life. Though we are capable of questioning every detail and every ‘truth’ that comes by, the truth of the matter is, we will never know for sure. All we can really do is live the life that has been set for us; to live amongst the rules, the theories, the truths and the lies that have been set before us by our ancestors. We can question everything put before us, but the fact of the matter is, we cannot live by them. Living by questions and doubts, more often than not, is living a life of excuses.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
It’s as simple as that.

What we do affects everything.
What we think affects everything.
We are more powerful than we give ourselves to be.
We can manipulate and create.
We can affect change with a single thought.
We are malleable and so is everything else.

‘Curiouser and curiouser’ as Alice once put, this wonderland is as confusing as the words that came out of Lewis Caroll’s mouth, only more real and much more insane.

It’s interesting, this thing we call life.
We are so involved in it, involved in its games and trends, its fears and judgments, that we sometimes lose sight of who we are;

And yet, to get lost in it can be the most beautiful thing in the world.

It’s interesting, this thing we call life.
It’s the one thing that we are truly uncertain of.
It’s the one thing that no one can write a book on how to play, or write a manual about.
Nothing is what it seems in this thing we call life.
Nothing.
There are no rules.
There are no exact actions.
There are no exact reactions.
It is unpredictable.
It is interesting.


It is a mystery

This thing we call life.

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Tuesday, September 06, 2011

the irony of

the malice of ritual
the cruelty of habit
the familiarity of repetition
the irony of cliche
the comfort of routine

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slice and dice

The wind rushes towards my legs
parting as they meet

It lingers in the air
finding solace in movement

The wind rushes through blades
sucked without choice
sliced inevitably

and yet it comes out unharmed
spliced and diced
yet they come out whole

The wind rushes through
comes in and comes out
parting as they meet

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Something about us

It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there's something about us I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be the right one
It might not be the right time
But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life



-Daft Punk

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in days like this

Today
I felt alone
felt/feel

Today
I felt melancholic
felt/feel

I stopped myself from crying
pretending I just had something in my eye

On the way home
I tried not to cry

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Monday, September 05, 2011

wonder.wander

Is there reason to wonder?
To wander?

To navigate with a broken compass?
In the unruly tides I’ve often been left to suspect
Is it only by my hand these waves are done?

I am left hanging and wondering.wandering.
By your words I am strung along.
I want you to initiate
For every time I seem to start
You leave me hanging.

But then again maybe I do the same to you

I rustle and bustle
Jump from one to ten.
I am often distracted.
Often bored.
I can’t seem to finish a thought
Can’t seem to finish.

I want you to talk to me.
But you won’t.

I think you’re tired of me.
But who could blame you?
I’m tired of me too.

I want to stop thinking about you.
I want to stop looking for you
I want to stop imagining things could go any further; that our hands will touch and our lips caress.
I want to stop thinking about our skin keeping in constant contact, keeping in constant motion.
I want it to stop.

For it seems if I don’t
I’ll never stop wanting you.

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I think...

I want to stop thinking about you.

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Saturday, September 03, 2011

thoughts aplenty

a friend of mine just told me he was going to be a father and that he was happy about it.
it made me think about life and love and about judgement.
who am I to say he's too young to be a father?
he is after all legal.
I dunno what exactly to write
because I don't know what exactly to think.
It's not that I'm not happy about it.
I am.
It just brought about a fear?
I don't know...
Fear about not having a relationship?
Fear about...
I don't know...
being abnormal?
I don't know...
I don't know what to think.

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