In waiting

It's been awhile since I've written in the hallowed halls of this blog.
 I guess you can say I've been distracted.
Looks like sadness hasn't grabbed hold of me just yet :P

 But it has been creeping. Ever so slightly. Breathing at the hairs of the back of my neck. Looming. Watching. Waiting.

 As my most 'recent' previous posts reveal, this post is about him, about Tim.

 After that time he asked to speak with me and backed out all at once, he disappeared.
Not a trace, not a sight, not a sound, not a whisper.

 It's been awhile.

 As much as my time away from him has done me more good than bad, every time I see him online, every time I see a new photo of him, I can't help but feel a certain yearning. A yearning to speak to him. About what you ask? About anything. Anything at all.

 This is what happens when something has a questionable ending.

 When a sentence is left hanging
 and never ended with a period

 You start to long for a finite end; For something clear and not something shrouded in fog.

 I know that what we had was nothing but perfect, that I was confused in it as I am out of it, but I want to respect what we have by giving it the proper end that it deserves.

 But I'm scared. I'm scared to get hurt. Scared to see you. Scared to cry for you again.

 So i'll wait. I'll wait 'til you find the courage to talk to me again, and if that won't do, then I'll wait 'til I find the courage to do so. I will wait 'til I find no sour notes played upon the arrival of thoughts of you. I will wait when I truly accept that we had something but it unfortunately turned into silence. I will wait until I have no tears to give. I will wait until I find contentment with myself, for I know my in-capacities for our 'relationship' was mostly due to my insecurities; insecurities that I know you never understood.

 I will wait.

 I will wait for time to take due course.