my head hurts

Maybe I'm taking things too seriously...
I'm just immensely scared
And I don't know how I feel.

All I know for sure is that I'm confused to the nth degree
and I just want it all to stop

all the wondering
the guessing
the fear
the what if's
the chase
the cliff hangers
the unknown

I just want it to stop
to clean the slate
to just be friends

I"ve been fighting with myself for the past few days/weeks/I'm not so sure
for the following possible reasons:
1. I'm afraid to like Tim
2. I'm not even sure I like him that way. I don't know if I'm forcing it. It feels like that sometimes...
3. I don't want him to get hurt
4. I don't want to get hurt
5. I don't want a relationship
6. once again, I just want everything to stop and freeze
7. I just want to clear my head
8. I don't like being in a vulnerable position. The last time I allowed myself to be vulnerable to someone I ended up crying in a cab and ignored for 6 months; not counting tonight of course, which ended up with suffocated sobs and a headache.


shit


I don't know what to do


and


my head hurts


.....





Carla Bruni and Yann Tiersen
please send me to sleep