I finally know what to do...

All these years I've been amazingly confused.
In every endeavor I'd always scrutinize myself.
Cruelty is much of an understatement.

These past few days I've been thinking about Tim and what my stand is concerning him, us.
I've come to realize that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship.
As I look back to what we've had, or lack there of, It was all ruined or hindered by my doubt and my insecurities; or that's what i think.
I made him suffer for my low self-esteem.
In actuality, I'm like this in everything I do, not only when it concerns Tim.
I've missed opportunities and skipped on dreams because of my doubts and my insecurities.
So I've come to realize what I need to do in my life.
It all makes sense to me now.

I need to find myself.

I need a soul search. I need to love myself first before anything.
They always say you can't give what you don't have.
These statements are very much used and abused,
but the thing with words, I think, their importance and relevance in someones life comes and ages with you. Their meaning finds you at a time you really need it.
I've heard these things a thousand times but Its only now I've come to realize how much this statement fits me to a tee.

I need to start taking care of myself. To do the best in every endeavor.

I need to find myself before I can let someone in my life.

I just need to be satisfied and content with myself before anything.
After realizing this I feel bad for Tim for leading him in a wild, cryptic goose chase. Unfortunately for him, he was the first; he was the guinea pig. I'm sorry.

But I can't believe I know what to do.
It will be difficult, no doubt.

After all, knowing is half the battle.